Hiatus II

So.  Life.  What’s going on for you all?

Me?  Oh, not much.  Just another crappy year, so far.

My husband is now into his third year of looking for a full-time job teaching English to students between 7th and 12th grade.  It’s not looking too great.  Usually I really prefer to keep a more optimistic view of things, but at this point I’m starting to wig out just a bit.  I’m getting really tired of living with my parents.  I’m getting really tired of not being able to find work because we can’t afford daycare and my parents work too much to be reliable babysitters.  For that matter, so does my father-in-law.

My husband has had three interviews.  We’re supposed to hear from the latest school her interviewed with any day now, and I’m still somewhat hopeful, although he’s about ready to give up.  He says it was the best interview he’s ever given — except for the whole part where he was, for some reason, sweating uncontrollably and couldn’t stop.  He never gets nervous enough to sweat during an interview.  Maybe they didn’t have the air conditioner on?  But he seemed to impress the interviewer(s?), so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

We just need this so badly.  I really want to get on with our lives, move out of my parents house, rent a nice townhouse or maybe a small house, live in a good school district, save for a down payment for a house, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD get off of food stamps. 

I am a fan of how well the federal government has taken care of us in this rough significant portion of our lives and our son’s life patch.  Could they do more?  Only if we, as the American public, agreed to raise taxes for the good of the whole (country, that is).  I wish it could be that way, but I probably won’t get my wish unless I move to Canada or a Scandinavian country… maybe France.

But I digress.

So, I’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately.  Weekly counseling has helped.  Medication has helped the physiological part of it.  My relationship with my parents, and the current strains on those relationships, aren’t helping.  The slowly rebounding economy (at least, I keep hearing it’s coming back — I don’t personally see the evidence of it yet) isn’t helping.  And my relationship with my husband, which has reached a certain point, isn’t helping.

We’re in “family counseling” sessions every other week, working on our marriage, in addition to my weekly individual therapy.  The policy of the office is to have each partner come in for individual sessions.  Then each partner and each partner’s counselor meet, all four together, for the group sessions.  My thought was that my husband’s individual sessions would continue.

But no.  Clearly it’s too much to ask for my husband to work on his issues while I work on mine and we attempt to work together on ours.

I’m sorry.  That was bitchy.  Let me try again.

I have come to my husband several times, suggesting, asking, and then begging him to please see a counselor on an individual basis to work on his personal issues.  It’s not like I think he’s the only one with issues — if I did, I wouldn’t be in therapy for myself.  And I understand, and have expressed my understanding, that therapy is difficult, and uncomfortable, and the only reason it seems to be easy and comfortable for me is because I’ve been in and out of counseling for more then ten years.  I’ve come to realize that I function and handle my depression best, when I am taking my medication daily, seeing a good therapist that I like and mesh with weekly, and when life is… well, easier than it’s been for a long long long long long long long long time.  I don’t need a cakewalk, but is a full-time job between the two of us too much to ask?

The good news is, my husband was able to substitute teach many days this past school year.  He was also able to acquire a position as the Education Director for our local theatre company, which is more a resume-padding volunteer position than an actual job, for what he gets paid.  That said, I hold no resentment against them.  Objectively, they are a fairly amateur company.  Subjectively, I enjoy the people involved, the productions they present, and the opportunities afforded me (auditons).  And thirdly, he picked up a temporary job with the Census Bureau.

Unfortunately, school is just about over in most districts.  Census work will end in about a month.  But, again, good news: I had a (what I thought was) pretty successful job interview last week.  I should hear sometime this week whether or not I have a job.

So, if you’re the praying type, say a quick word for us.  If not, any positive thoughts or energy would be greatly appreciated.  I’ll let you know how it turns out.